Yesterday, a woman I know only slightly rubbed my arm. “I like to touch people,” she said. “It’s good for us.” She happens to be a very sweet, kind person whom I like, so I didn’t mind. We had a little exchange about how we felt we had to do air hugs at the beginning of the pandemic. Some of us still do, but we suffered because of it.
A recent article in Psychology Today states that human touch calms our nervous center, lowers blood pressure and slows down our heartbeat. It lowers the release of cortisol, our stress hormone and triggers the release of oxytocin, known as the “love hormone.” PET scans have found that the brain quiets in response to stress when a person’s hand is held. The effect is greatest when the hand being held is that of a loved one, but it still works even if it’s just a stranger. Nice to have the science to back this up, isn’t it?
A few years ago, another acquaintance asked me why I hadn’t returned her hug. I was totally unaware I was supposed to “hug back.” What a revelation that was! I recalled another friend who suffered abuse as a child saying she had to remind herself to “feel” a hug. Wow! I wasn’t feeling them either. Even my handshakes were just a social convention without mindfulness.
So… I’m reminding myself to slow down and be in the moment with those hugs and handshakes, to really feel them and not be so guarded. We all have our reasons for how we react to human touch, and there is a whole array of experiences that make this harder for some of us. But we owe it to ourselves for our own mental and physical well- being, to let ourselves feel and enjoy the warmth of an embrace.
Of course, there are those for whom touch is difficult, whether a neurological issue or trauma related. So be cautious if this is you and remember self-care.
How have you handled the lack of touch during these times? Are you hesitant to touch people?
4 responses to “It’s Touching”
This reminds me that my daughter-in-law doesn’t like hugs. In fact, our family was described to her by my niece as “walking into a hive of huggers.” It’s good to know that most people benefit from hugs.
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Hi, Luanne,
Interesting that some people don’t like hugs. I forgot about that. Thanks for mentioning it.
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I am absolutely a hugger and one of my nieces a few years ago announced that I gave the best hugs in the family!! I was so touched by that and really try to be present when I’m hugging someone. Yes the pandemic but a damper on all that contact and I am so happy we can hug again! Regarding holding someones hand, when my Mom was in hospice here at my house, I held her hand a lot and on the last day of her life, I was holding her hand when she took her last breath. As sad as it was, it was a comfort to me and I pray that she felt it too.
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Beautiful memory, Debbie! Such a gift to your mother and yourself. And yes, you are a good hugger!
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