Dizzy Time

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It’s been one of those days. My usual treatment for benign positional vertigo doesn’t feel like it worked. I’ll give it 24 hours. The crystals in my inner ear have been slipping out of their little vestibule, off and on, for something like twenty years, and when they do, I get dizzy. Since I discovered a great PT practice that specializes in this, my episodes are shorter and less debilitating. For a few days or even weeks, I feel off balance walking, get dizzy when I first get out of bed, and when I turn around too quickly. After the PT moves my head and upper body this way and that, poof! All better! Today, not so much. My at home instructions say don’t go to the dentist or hairdresser today as tilting your head back can knock the crystals out of whack again.

My hair appointment was for an hour after I left the PT office. What to do? I asked my stylist not to wash my hair (sigh, that’s the best part!) and to just wet my hair and cut it. She took a long time, and when I finally walked out, my hair was too short. I should have been paying attention, but I was worried about getting dizzy again. It will grow out, but darn it. My hair is way too short.

I turned on the TV at lunch to see old men who don’t believe or let’s face it, care, that some women have been sexually assaulted. What they care about is installing the accused on the U.S. Supreme Court so he can help overturn a woman’s right to choose. I realize I have been angry about this case ever since it started. At first, I thought “I’m not a #MeToo survivor.”  But I get dizzy when I’m anxious, and today it’s all coming back.

The grad school adviser on the phone with a department head, leaning around his desk to check out my legs. “Yeah, she has nice ones.” Why didn’t I get up and leave?

The relative who rubbed himself against me from behind at a cocktail party, then asked if it was good. “You men, always asking if it was good,” I joked. Why didn’t I smack him?

The college boy who did the same at a kegger, shouting “I humped her!” to his friends. I kept on walking. Why didn’t I turn around and kick him?

Report it? In those days, we pretended it hadn’t even happened. Why? Did we think it would stop? That it “wasn’t so bad, if we weren’t raped?” And why bring it up now, after all these years? Because I remember it as if it happened yesterday.

It’s making me dizzy to think about this endless trashing of females, this excusing of bad male behavior. And mad as hell. I’m glad the conversation is happening, but damn it, let’s move it forward this time. Let’s not make it worse.

What do you think? Women, men, #MeToos and not #MeToos. I’d love to hear from you.

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This month, I am offering a review copy of Mary Jo Doig’s powerful memoir, Patchwork, the story of one strong woman’s journey from abuse to a life of her own choosing.  Comment on this blog and you could be the lucky winner!

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Cathy Lamb’s novel,  The Language of Sisters. goes to last month’s commenter, B. Lynn Goodwin, author of the memoir, Never Too Lateand manager of the Writer Advice website. Take a look at both, you’ll be glad you did. Congratulations, Lynn!

 

 

 

 

10 thoughts on “Dizzy Time

  1. I am taking a deep breath . . . I think you are telling everywoman’s story – different circumstances but the same sense of being violated, of feeling the lack of control when someone feels superior enough to make a judgment on your legs or your rear or your boobs, of feeling at the very least uncomfortable and of having no socially acceptable way of responding to the abuser, and of feeling so many more negative emotions. Right at this moment I am listening to the news that Bill Cosby has been sentenced to 3-10 years – such a brief time to serve for taking advantage of a woman and changing her life forever. I am trying to hold this issue in light of the Kavanaugh nomination to the Supreme Court and the accusers who have come forth with sexual abuse allegations. We need to begin speaking out for ourselves and for each other. Thank you, Linda, for doing that today. Your words are a beacon of light leading women to proclaim #metoo and stand firmly for our sisters.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The whole Kavanaugh mess reminded me of an incident from my teen years. There was no party or alcohol involved, but what would I have reported, and to whom? It would have been my fault – I shouldn’t have been alone with a boy; I shouldn’t have enjoyed the kiss at the start. Yes, a lot of things happen when we are too young to know how to deal with them (a slap, a kick, etc.), but why should we females be the ones to deal with them?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I too, continue to be shocked, disgusted, and in disbelief at the amount of corruption, abuse, and moral depravity present in society today, and so repugnantly present in current politics. I’m sure I’m not the only male who feels this way. And certainly not the only white male either.

    It did not take becoming a husband and then a father of a son and daughter to feel this way. Granted I did grow up during the 60s’ and 70s’ period of social liberation which started calling out all forms of oppression and abuse, and yes, I did embrace much of the humanistic psychology movement with its focus on equality and respect, yet I can’t help but believe that in spite of that, every child, every adolescent, and every adult has within them a moral compass, or at least a shred of ethics that would make this behavior unconscionable.

    I watched in disbelief as candidate Trump said the things he said and behaved in the most shameful ways he did. Frankly many of us were appalled, yet he ramped up the playing into peoples’ fears, and enough people swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. (Not to mention my concern when electronic voting machines were first proposed that they’d be vulnerable to computer hacking. But hey, I’m only voicing common sense.)

    It all seems so surreal. The level of corruption is astounding. And the money-powered elite have been doing whatever they can to protect each other. I have a pretty accurate ‘sleaze meter’ when I detect phoniness, lies, and sliminess. The needle on that meter has been pegged all the way to the right at full tilt ever since the candidates began!

    I tried to listen to some of the Kavan-naught hearing yesterday, but had to keep turning it off. I want to be an informed citizen, but some things are too hard to stomach.

    Perhaps America is working through a fever. I’m hoping that we are in a stage of cleansing, of purging, of having all the darkness and manipulations come out into the open. Like an abscess that’s been building, I’m hoping it comes to a head and ruptures, and all the pus drains away – the white pus – the old white men pus – like the “draining the swamp” that we were promised. How prophetic.

    I’m hoping and helping for a blue tsunami to sweep through Congress and repopulate it with people of character and conscience, mostly with an abundance of women. As the half of humanity that brings new humans into the world, I can’t fathom that women would not do a better job of progressively caring for society’s needs, caring for our children, each other, and stewarding our planet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Tim, for taking the time to share your thoughts here. Yes, amazing how we continue to be shocked and disgusted, but maybe that’s a good thing: we still know what’s wrong. I like your “working through a fever” analogy. Makes a lot of sense!

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  4. Dizzy Time is the perfect analogy for this time, and how powerful that must have resonated with you in your actual state of dizziness. I had other plans for Thursday but did want to watch Christine Ford and did, for a little while, I thought. I was so profoundly moved by her authenticity, her vulnerability, her courage, her self-lessness in choosing to testify because it was the right thing to do for our country. I knew without doubt that she was, what she said, 100% certain that her assaulter was Kavanaugh. So I decided to listen to him, to all the ugliness you describe. When I saw his face and listened to him rant, I thought, “OMG, I’m hearing and looking at the angry man who certainly did this to her.” I felt 100% sure as he displayed his out of control rage, his entitlement, his false church boy facade stripped from away, the man who loves his alcohol and loses control just as he did with Amy Klobuchar emerged. For me, it was frighteningly clear and I could see that bully with Dr. Ford. I listened to the entire hearing and was dizzy, too, Linda.

    Thank you for sharing the times you never spoke up as have we all. Now, as this all moves forward in the face of ugly truth, I honor Dr. Ford for what she has done and feel such kinship with her: she has just spoken her truth to the country and I will speak mine in my memoir when it is published in about three weeks. I can identify with your Dizzy Time.

    Liked by 1 person

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